mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary
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Father Drumgoole: Patron Saint of Homeless Boys or Soldier of Satan?
As I mentioned before, I had a rather colorful upbringing. I had two working parents and thus my primary caregiver was my grandmother. A little background on my grandmother; she's American-Irish, a devout Catholic, she survived the great depression, and she's full of wonderful stories that I never tire of hearing. A lesser known fact about my grandmother - her child rearing techniques often included deceit and trickery. Such methods have fallen out of favor today but when my grandmother was busy raising me (and her own three kids before me) no one batted an eyelid with regard to this style.
One of her more common disciplinary warnings was the old "If you don't come right now, I'll leave you here and you'll starve to death." 'Here' could be anywhere, the side of a highway, a grocery store, or someone's house. Although logically, I should have know she'd never abandon me and that I would never starve to death, I would still run to her in a panic. I still occasionally hear parents using this lie on their children and if I am within whispering distance of the child I lean over and tell them "Don't worry, she/he's bluffing." Another of Grandma's charming mantras pertained to finishing everything on my plate. Apparently, there were children starving in Europe that would kill to get my wilted broccoli. Of course, there were no children starving in the USA and certainly not in New York City. There were only starving children in other countries. Bad countries, the kind where lots of non-Catholics (AKA sinners) lived. There were others fabrications too. Like if I kept crossing my eyes they'd stick and if you eat enough carrots your hair will turn Marilyn Monroe blonde but the most common of her threats was that if I kept acting up she'd send me to Father Drumgoole.
Who is this Father Drumgoole, you ask? Well, let me start out by telling you the facts as my five-year-old self knew them. All information was derived from my incredibly deceptive grandmother. Father Drumgoole was a Catholic priest who ran an orphanage in New York City. He was big and mean and scary and hit bad children with a spoon. He hit the good children with a strap. At Father Drumgoole's orphanage, there was only gruel to eat. Gruel is made with disgusting things like pigs intestines and spinach and dirty water from the sewers. If I was a bad child, my grandmother would take me to live with Father Drumgoole and I would never see my family again.
As it turns out, the real Father Drumgoole is known as the Shepherd of Homeless Newsboys. You see back in the late 19th century, there was an estimated 30,000 young boys without families or a place to stay roaming the streets of New York. Perhaps their parents had died while immigrating to America or maybe there was no money to keep them so their parents threw them out but either way it was an epidemic that is unimaginable today. These boys would learn to hustle newspapers to make enough money to eat and they would sleep in alleyways and dark-by-ways down by the East River. There were no laws to protect these children so they were exploited in all kinds of ways. Father Drumgoole ran a home for these displaced youths. When the home was filled to capacity he generated funds to expand it. He later created an educational program for the boys and finally had a country home constructed for them in Staten Island. In all, Father Drumgoole was a standup guy. He died in 1888 but his legacy lives on through several charitable organizations.
So let us recap my grandmother' mendacity:
- Father Drumgoole died in 1888. I was born in 1974. My grandmother would have to build a time machine and send me back in order to make good on her threat.
- I am female. Father Drumgoole only took in paperboys thus I am not a viable candidate for his home.
- Gruel actually doesn't sound that bad and none of the recipes I have read list sewer water or spinach as an ingredient.
- My research has lead me to believe that Father Drumgoole did not beat children with spoons or straps. In fact, he sounds charming and kind and his country home sounds quaint.
And people wonder why I am so warped and full of misinformation today.....
.
My grandmother makes The Brothers
Grimm look like Barney.
2:07 p.m. - 2002-08-14
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