mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's next? A Broken Down Car, Jacked Up On Cinder Blocks, Sitting On My Front Lawn? Well, in order to make it perfectly clear that I am in fact being targeted by superhuman forces who want me to have a suck-ass life, the sun came out in full force on Saturday morning and the only clouds in the sky were those big puffy white ones. So it basically poured long enough to ruin any chance of camping but not long enough to justify an entire weekend of shoveling endless amounts of food into my face while watching a Trading Spaces marathon. On Friday night I returned every item I bought for the camping trip to the Safeway. That's right, I brought back $75.00 worth of marshmallows and chips and hot-dogs and trail mix. When the lady at the counter asked why I was returning all this stuff I made up a lie. I told her that I went shopping for an elderly neighbor and that I bought all the wrong stuff and that now she was making me bring it all back. I have no idea why I felt compelled to lie to this person, why I couldn't tell the 16 year old cashier that I just had no use for graham crackers as a result of the sudden downpour and a canceled camping trip. But I didn't, I lied and she sympathized. She thought it very ungrateful of my fictitious elderly neighbor to be so critical of my shopping skills. Obviously this chickie was not the brightest bulb because if she'd even eyed the products I was returning she'd have realized what the real situation was. I mean what would make me buy a 75 year old lady named Mildred a box of Fiddle Faddle? It would clearly get stuck in her dentures. Did I mention that when I lie, I lie big? The Safeway hires some spacey people. I remember one time Pete and I were at the deli counter. For some reason the deli counter is manned entirely by recovering speed freaks and victims of severe head trauma. These individuals are programmed by management to do a hard sell on the cold cuts. For example, if you order a pound of any type of meat they immediately offer you a pound of cheese to go with it and vice versa. Okay, meat and cheese go together so it's not totally weird when they ask if you're interested in purchasing them as a set but on this particular occasion we were purchasing potato salad. "I'd like a pound of potato salad please," Pete requested. "Okay," responds Counter Speed Freak/Severe Head Trauma victim. "Would you like some imitation Krab salad to go with that?" "Does imitation Krab salad go with potato salad," asked Pete. "I mean I could understand if you offered me macaroni salad which really doesn't 'go' with potato salad either but Krab salad is really out in left field, don't you think?" Counter Speed Freak/Severe Head Trauma victim looks blankly at Pete while I nearly pee myself. "So then you do not want any imitation Krab salad...." Back in the days of wine and roses (before the purchase of our home), Pete and I shopped at a more upscale market. I occasionally still sneak over there to buy a bottle of wine or seasonal produce but budgeting prevents me from doing 100 % of my shopping there. It's interesting to compare the "sample" foods at the two stores. At our old market there were display tables set up with smoked salmon on Carrs Water Crackers or organic strawberries with freshly whipped cream. Safeway usually has it's employees handing out pigs in blankets and slivers of a Twinkie presented on a paper plate with toothpicks shoved in them. I guess they are appealing to a different demographic and the most frightening part is that I am now a member of this demographic, ugh. 3:33 p.m. - 2002-06-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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