mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sign! Sign! Everywhere A Sign! The businesses in neighborhood I reside in here in Seattle are very fond of the reader board. In fact, almost every business you pass has one. But instead of simply advertising their goods and services on the boards, the companies fill them with pithy sayings or political opinions. D.A. Burns, a carpet cleaning company, probably has some of the worst slogans on display. They usually deal with work ethic and tend to be of the cheesy motivational variety. Currently it reads "Success is not permanent and failure is not fatal." Some part of me thinks there is an unspoken addition that goes like this "unless you screw up someone's carpet. Then it's fatal to your job, you hear me?!!!" There's a welder two streets over whose sign read "Come on on in and see how our G6-85 Pro cuts steel like butter!" I never took him up on that offer but at least it applied to his business. The sign at the convenience store up the street once read "Henry Weinhard's Beer - $4.99 a six pack" but someone changed it to read "Hard Wiener" seven months ago and it's remained that way ever since. I laugh every time I pass by. Hard Wiener, ha ha ha. What can I say? I'm mentally a twelve year old. The lumber store up on Market Street has a sign that announces "Wedding season is almost over, now put your new hubby to work building a deck!" Besides being an incredibly sexist remark ("only men build stuff, woman stay home and cook, clean, and birth the children"), this is also one of the least romantic ideas ever. I wonder if it's brought even a single customer in. But my favorite sign of all is along the Burke Gilman Trail. I've passed this business/residence for years on my bike rides. It's a small white house, a little unkempt but ever so cute, and it has always advertised "Miss. Lillian Smith - Piano Lessons By Appointment - Specializing in Teaching Fundamentals to Young Children" and then her number. I've never actually seen Miss. Lillian (or any of her clients for that matter) but I've imagined her many times. I picture her as a sweet little old lady with gray hair pulled back in a bun wearing a cream colored cardigan sweater over a loose floral patterned dress. She's a bit deaf but this works to her professional advantage. It's wonderful to be able to tune out Chopsticks after hearing it over a million times. She's so kind and patient with her students and even though they may not like these stupid lessons their parents have forced on them, they do love Miss Lily and they are especially fond of the homemade lemon drop cookies and sun tea she serves them at each meeting. Sometimes her old tomcat Alfred will come into parlor and climb up on the Baby Grand. Then Lily breaks into old ragtime hits and smiles about how fortunate her life has been and how content she is. Yes things are just perfect. But recently Lily switched things up a bit. Her sign now reads "COME ON AMERICA! PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES! BUSH SUCKS BIG C#CK! VOTE KERRY." and then the old "Miss Lillian Smith - Piano Lessons By Appointment - Specializing in Teaching Fundamentals to Young Children." I wonder if this has had any effect on her business? Frankly, I am more inspired than ever to learn my scales. 12:12 p.m. - 2004-07-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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