mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love....Exciting and New! There are lots of things I enjoy about being married but probably the best is not having to date. I was, by all accounts, the Queen of Bad Dates. One time, I went our with a guy I met at the gym. Yeah, I know. You should never date anyone you meet at a fitness club. But I did, and I lived to regret it. He arrived wearing skintight blue jeans, cowboy boots, and a ten gallon hat. How was I too know how this guy dressed? He wore sweats at the gym so I thought he was normal. Sweat = normal, right? "Wow," I said. "That's some outfit." "Thanks," he said. "I love the western look. Garth Brooks is my idol. You like country line dancing? That's what I have planned for after dinner." Country Line Dancing???!!! We live in NYC!!! Who Country Line Dances? And who the hell is Garth Brooks? The restaurant this guy choose was nice enough, a moderately priced steak house with a decent wine selection. I ordered a New York strip and a glass of red wine. "Hmmh," he commented. "I thought you were going to order a salad. That's what most girls get and it's cheaper you know." He then proceeds to order a Porterhouse for himself and an Alabama Slammer! Remember, we are on a date, not at a frat part. What the hell is this guy thinking? Well the drink arrives and he immediately downs it in one gulp. The waiter didn't even have a chance to leave the table yet and this guy just orders another one. Mr. Guy From the Gym actually managed to consume four (yes, four) Alabama Slammers before our entrees arrived. Classy, huh? Our conversation actually revolved around Buffy the Vampire Slayer and how "hot" Sarah Michelle Gellar was. He mentioned I should also think about dying my hair blond. It would apparently look much better than my trademark red. So, I was definitely thinking that this wasn't going to work out. I started to plan my escape. I decided stop one would be the restroom. Perhaps I can feign sick. I rose to excuse myself from the table, and Mr. Guy From the Gym actually reaches over and slaps my ass. "You got a cute can baby," he says like this is some sort of real compliment. Needless to say, I never returned from the restroom and switched gyms immediately. Then there was Matt. I met him at the library. He was tall and lanky with dark floppy hair. I made a comment about the Kurt Vonnegut book he was perusing. He said something witty back. We chatted for a bit and I finally asked him to join me for drink. He told me he didn't drink (recovering alcoholic) but he'd love to have coffee. We did and it was wonderful. We had a ton in common. We made a second date, dinner at an Indian place. That too went swimmingly. A third date at a concert, and finally a fourth date at a movie where he confessed he had to tell me something. Oh no, I thought, he has a girlfriend. I knew this was too good to be true. No, it wasn't that, he said. He was fourteen years old, he told me. Did I mention I was 23 at the time? No? Well I told him I was. He hoped we could still date. He asked me to keep in mind that he was very mature for his age. Umm, thanks but no. I did the prom once and I didn't save my gown. Sorry. And let's not forget that in over almost three decades on this earth, I've managed to date five homosexual men. Well, in all fairness, they weren't openly gay back then but I should have known better. All of them knew more about shoes than I could ever hope too. Plus, they had no interest in sleeping with me just in shopping. I suppose that should have tipped me off, huh? So, yeah even when Pete and I fight with one another, I'm pretty happy I found him 'cause chances are if I hadn't I'd have wound up married to either Vili Fualaau or RuPaul and that's a little too Springer-esque for me. Last chance for a postcard from Oaxaca! Email me now! Don't forget you'll be automatically entered into a fabulous drawing where you could win some crap I pick up at the airport duty free shop as an afterthought! And thanks to whoever nominated me for a Diarist.net Award! I'm so excited, I just wish I knew what category I was nominated for! Anyone? 1:31 p.m. - 2002-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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