mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Closing Out This Chapter Last night was pure, unadulterated bliss. I took someone's advice and indulged in my freedom. I walked around in my underwear, consumed sushi, slept in my own bed, and I didn't have to listen to the FOX news blaring while FIL espoused about the greatness that is George Bush. What's better than that? I realize that I have yet to talk about my mother-in-law and really there isn't much to say. She was nicer than she has ever been. She said please and thank you and seemed genuinely happy to see her son. You see, fairly recently she managed to alienate all of her other children. At this point, Pete's about the only one who hasn't told her to go jump in a lake. Now, while it's unfortunate that all her children (and their spouses) hate her with a white hot passion, it worked out really well for us. She watched her P's & Q's and we were able to get along. It hasn't always been this way. In the past, MIL has definitely rubbed me the wrong way. She used to really push us to have kids. Every time I spoke with her she'd bring it up and every time I'd give her the same speech I give oh so many people who ask. "Peter and I have decided not to have children. Our lives are very busy and complicated and we don't believe we could provide a good environment for a child. I'd only want to bring a child into this world if I knew for certain that I could give it the best life possible and right now I don't believe that either Peter or I are capable of providing that. If we change our minds though, you will be the first to know." That's simple and to the point, don't you think? It's not offensive to anyone and I don't even make any negative comments about changing dirty diapers and waking up in the middle of the night and what pregnancy does to the human body and what a thankless task parenthood can sometimes be. Well, MIL would look at me like I had two heads when I gave her my spiel and remember, she heard this speech multiple times. Each time she'd act taken aback and completely insulted. After the fourth or fifth time we "discussed" this topic, MIL pulled me off to the side. "Say Mrs-Roboto," she asked with great care. "Are there any instances of infertility in your family?" "No." "Are you sure," she pried further. "Have you ever asked anyone? Your aunt doesn't have any children I noticed." "My aunt made a life choice to not have children," I told her gently. "My mother had two children and both times were the result of her forgetting to take her pill for just a day or two. Luckily, I have a better memory than she does." "Well, you know they can do a lot medically for infertility these days and I've read a bunch of things if you ever want to talk." That's my MIL, subtle. As you might imagine, the topic of my fertility came up again this visit but MIL had an entirely different approach. I gave my standard speech and MIL looked over at me and smiled. "That's perfectly fine by me," she said. "As you know, I already have five grandchildren. I need no more. Besides which, the life you and Pete have built for yourself seems quite nice and you both appear to be very happy. I'm envious that you and Pete get to travel and experience so many things while you're still young. I had three children by the time I was your age and though I love my kids, it was a hard life." I nearly fell off my chair. This is, by far, the most human thing this woman has ever said to me and probably the highlight of the trip. It's what I'll try to remember rather than Pete's dad's bossiness and snippy comments about how "hippy dippy liberal" my town is. One last anecdote and I'll close the chapter on the in-laws. One night during the visit I had a nervous breakdown. I was sitting in the kitchen watching MIL "take care" of FIL. FIL needs to be reminded to do everything. He has to be told when to take his pills and when to eat and where his glasses are. She lays out his clothes and makes sure he isn't consuming too many fluids and takes care of all of their finances. Seriously, the man cannot even be trusted to care for himself. He's on this special diet and he sneaks into the fridge at night and eats all sorts of stuff that he's not supposed to. MIL has to try and catch him before he does too much damage. In fact, it's a lot like having a small child around. So after many days of watching this and internalizing it, I panicked. I saw myself in thirty years reminding Pete to turn off the coffee pot and lock the door and informing him that his keys are on the cupboard. I envisioned a life where I had to make sure we paid all the bills and made it to all our medical appointments and had enough food to eat. I pictured a life where I was the only one with any responsibility. I rushed off to the bedroom before anyone noticed that I was crying and I sat and silently sobbed for twenty minutes. Pete finally came looking for me. I told him my fears. I said "I don't want to be like that" and he was so good to me. He assured me that we will never be like them or even like my parents for that matter. That we would be who we are, that we would set the rules for how our life would be lived, and that we would control our own destiny. And somehow it made me feel better. 11:58 a.m. - 2002-12-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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