mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Baby Rants I would like to say Autumn has arrived but it is still fairly warm and bright in Seattle. It's reaching the same temperatures we see in June although the days are getting shorter and it's pitch black when I leave for the gym in the morning. Still, I am pretending we are well into Fall by wearing rust-colored, corduroy clothes and baking pumpkin bread. School is now in it's second quarter and with the change came two new and brilliant professors who have renewed my faith in the program. I still have some doubts about my future and my career path but I guess that's natural. It's hard to reconcile who I am with who I thought I might be. I can be fairly self delusion at times. You know when you look at a picture of yourself and you think, that doesn't look a damn thing like me? Well often my minds eye has that exact reaction. I sometimes wonder how I fell into this life, a life that is very comfortable and filled with pleasant surprises but a life I couldn't have vaguely imagined a few short years ago. Last Saturday we went to see the New Pornographers. I was happy to see L there. She's about nine weeks away from giving birth. You know, you don't see too many women out at rock shows that late into their pregnancy. Society forces these strange ideas down our throats about life. It would have us believe that a pregnant woman should spend all their time reading up on breastfeeding and taking Lamaze classes. You'd think in this day in age that people would be more open but I believe the attitudes are getting worse. I have several friends who would like to return to work after having a child, balancing both a career and family. You wouldn't believe the slack they get for wishing for this balance. People actually call them selfish and question their maternal instincts. And many of these comments come from other women! I just don't get it. I almost think it was easier for my mother. She knew she'd face slack for her choices (returning to work full time and raising children) and she was prepared. She knew that opposition existed but at least it was opposition from a male dominated work force who were fighting to keep things as they'd always known them to be. When I think about women criticizing other women for their choices I feel sick. It's probably a good thing I have no plans to have children. If someone felt the need to question my very personal decisions I'd have to remove their eyeballs with an exacto knife. Wow, that was tangential, wasn't it? I think the point I was originally trying to make is that L is having a little baby soon and I am very excited about that. I have a hard time keeping my hands off her belly. The one thing I regret about not having children is not getting to go through the pregnancy experience. You see, I can totally imagine what it's like to be a parent . I mean, my sister was born when I was a teenager and I got a firsthand look at how that all works. Whenever I need a reminder I can borrow a friends kid for the afternoon and that's a pretty close simulation but I can't fathom what would it be like to have something grow inside you. To feel it flutter and kick. To see your body change and morph. It's really unimaginable. I've offered up my services and womb to my sister should she wish to use me as an incubator but unfortunately she has about as much desire for offspring as I do. Sigh. Well I suppose I'll have to make due with touching L's stomach whenever I get the chance. Strategic Planning calls - till next time! 3:37 p.m. - 2005-09-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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