mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me and Stinky McGee Things are moving along quite nicely in my life and it's a beautiful, sunny day in Seattle. I rode into work on my bike but only after doing a full workout at the gym. I've actually cut back quite a bit on my indoor gym time because the weather has been kind enough to permit outdoorsy activity which I'll choose over treadmills and eliptical machines any day. One activity I can't do outside is swimming. Lake Washington doesn't warm up till mid July and even then it can be bracing. My gym also lacks a pool but two mornings a week Judy and I trudge up to the Community Center at the crack of down and do our laps. I enjoy swimming. It's a nice way to start the day and usually includes a post swim soak in the hot tub. I find myself incredibly relaxed on the days we do this routine. However, swimming does have one drawback. I call her Stinky the Extra Nipple Lady (which will be explained in greater detail although the nipple part is self explanatory). Typically, Judy and I arrive at the pool at 5:55 AM. The pool opens at 6:00. Stinky is usually in the parking lot puffing away on a cigarette (often inside her vehicle with the windows of her car completely rolled up). Did I mention it was 5:55 AM people? Okay, I know I used to smoke. I'll even admit that the first thing I'd do after I worked out was light a cigarette but that was AFTER (and usually much later in the day). This is before the sun has even risen. Something else about Stinky - when she enters the facility it is always either mumbling to herself about things I don't understand or loudly singing the theme song to All In the Family. She will do this the whole time she is changing into her suit. Whenever she forgets the words, she returns to the part where they chant "those were the days...." It's unnerving to say the least. I quickly learned to avoid eye contact with Stinky. It she catches you looking at her, you're dead. Seriously, she will talk you into the grave. I've seen people make this mistake. They look up at her as she mumbles some insanity and bam! she follows that person for the rest of the morning spouting on and on. Nine times out of ten, the poor person flees the pool and is never seen again. Stinky never takes the required pre-swim shower. She puts on her suit and then waddles out to the pool with a pair of white sweatsocks and flippers in hand. She then puts on the socks and flippers and jumps in the first lane. Yes, she wears socks in the pool. Why? Because Stinky is clearly a basketcase. When the water hits Stinky's skin the odor of tobacco immediately fills the air. I'm not at all joking. The nasty smell of stale cigarettes wafts off her body. It's as if the pool water allows her skin to become more porous and smoke itself escapes from her flesh. It's terribly gross. Stinky never swims a full lap. She just sort of dawdles about. She lies on her back and kicks her flippers about. She holds her nose and sinks underwater. She dog paddles out to the deep end and hangs onto the edge of the pool. She calls up to the 16 year old lifeguard and even he refuses to acknowledge her. Finally, Stinky has a third nipple. How do I know you ask? Why would I be looking? Well, I wasn't but Judy had the misfortune of having Stinky approach her in the change room the other day to ask her about her skirt (the one I had made). Now I am no prude, but Stinky came up all naked and got right in Judy's personal space. She practically placed that third nipple on Judy's knee. Judy made a run for it to the shower tree (a poll with four shower heads facing North, South, East, and West) hoping to escape but Stinky followed her there and began to soap up as well. In fact, she got herself into a real lather. There is an unspoken rule about public showering - do it fast and do it discreetly and under no circumstances should there be any deep cleaning if you know what I mean. Apparently Stinky refuses to abide by these laws though. She hoisted her leg up onto the tree and began scrubbing her cervix in earnest. Gross enough for you? 2:00 p.m. - 2005-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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