mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary

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Hop On The Bus, Gus!

The other evening, I was forced to ride the #7 bus up to Seattle Central Community College to tie up some loose academic ends. The route of the #7 is slightly more...... ummm how should I put this so I don't sound too provincial ....... adventurous than my normal route. Among other stops, the #7 is right on route to a mental hospital. I suppose overall it's a good thing that the reality-impaired don't drive but when you have to share mass transit with them, it's never a good thing.

The first of my encounters on the bus that evening was not in fact with a crazy though. It was with one of the fine students of SCCC. Now, I want to preface this by saying I do realize that community colleges are clearly wonderful places. They provide affordable education to a diverse student body. They have very flexible and forgiving standards that allow people with poor academic pasts to change their futures. They assist recent immigrants in their transition. They possess libraries and computer labs and other resources that they make available to the general public. So on the whole community colleges are good but there's one small thing that drives me nuts about them. Community colleges are filled with really dumb kids whose parents are forcing them to attend 13th grade against their wills. I was unfortunately sharing the bus with a 13th grader last night.

"Dude," says the 13th grader to his friend, Long Haired Scary Boy. "I have to write twenty poems by tomorrow, dude, and they have to be like GOOD poems. I gots like ten done but now I needs to write ten more."

"What for," asks Long Haired Scary Boy.

"Dude, like Composition 101. The ten I got are mad good. I wrote some fresh rhymes. Wanna hear one?"

"Alright."

"I met her at a club,
It was immediate love (see how I say it so it sort of rhymes like that),
How was I to know, she's want me to wear a glove?
But I liked her enough that I gave it a shot
And now we been together six months and whatnot. - what do you think?"

"Uh I think it's a little heavy on the romantic stuff."

It was at this point the Crazy Stinky Guy With Four Full Trash Bags got on the bus and blocked the exit aisle completely. I'll admit I was a little bit irritated by his presence. I needed to get off at the next stop and I prefer not to climb over smelly crap. I looked towards the back door and decided that was my escape route. I'd exit the back door and then come around front and pay my fare. The bus came to a halt and I called up to the driver. "Could you open the back door? The aisle is blocked. I'll come around front and pay." The driver either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me. I shouted a little louder. "Could you open the back door? The aisle is blocked. I'll come around front and pay." It is at this point that a crazy woman seated near the back door decides to address my concerns because apparently, she is the mayor of this bus.

"You need to go to the front and pay," she said.

"I know but I don't want to climb over all that garbage that guy has. I'll walk around front and pay."

"No," she affirmed. "You have to go up front and pay first or you can't get off!"

"I understand, and I fully intend to pay but I just don't want to crawl over that guy's crap," I said, pointing at his oozing trash."I'll come around front and pay." I suddenly realize that I am in fact explaining myself to a crazy passenger and that there truly was no point in this. "Driver, back door!"

"Listen, you got to follow the rules! You have to go to the front! You can't get off the back! Go to the front now!" She was shrieking.

"Hey," I yelled back. "Who died and made you the bus driver? Stop talking to me, okay?"

"You get off the bus in front! You get off now! Hear me! Get off the bus, I said! Do it now! You are trying to ride for free! Thief!"

The entire bus was now watching our exchange and to make matters worse the bus driver made no moves towards opening the back door.

"Thief," she shouted louder. "THIEF! THIEF! THIEF! THIEF! THIEF!"

"Shut up, shut up," I replied while leaping over the trash bags to escape. And yes, I paid my fare at the front. I'm happy to report that I am back to my normally scheduled ride today on the #28 to Ballard where people are normal (except for the driver who actually acts like it's a tour bus and says things like "Ladies and Gentleman if you look off to the left, you'll see a lovely sunset over the Cascades. Isn't that just splendid?" but I can handle that). Gotta love Cap Hill.

3:16 p.m. - 2005-02-10

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