mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary

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Just Say No To Self Help Books or My Parachute is Blood Red and Covered in My Own Splattered Guts

Last night (prior to meeting up with my lovely lady friends), I watched a few
minutes of Oprah After The Show. For those of you not familiar with OATS, as
I like to call it, it is just as it sounds. It's stuff that was filmed after
the program, extra bits and pieces that would normally be chucked because of
their sub-par quality. But not if you're Oprah. See when you're Oprah, people
are willing to let you string all the leftover crap together and create another
entire hour of stinky programming because YOU ARE OPRAH. I sure wish
I was Oprah so I could hand my boss a bunch of sticky notes and say "Here
are some not so great ideas for stories that I jotted down while on the bus.
I realize they're all disjointed and unorganized but who cares? Now pay me big
bucks for them." But this entry is not intended to bag on Oprah (or even
put down her network Oxygen whose only redeeming quality is that they run several
episodes of Rosanne a day and that movie about the girl who has the baby in
Walmart that I just can't ever turn off), this entry is all about the book Oprah
was discussing on her show and why I should have/could have written it.

The book that was featured was He's Just Not That Into You by by Greg Behrendt
and Liz Tuccillo. It's a self-help book, and in case you couldn't guess from
the title and its goal is to get women to recognize that when a guy fails to
return your calls, you're probably not the girl of his dreams. You don't friggin
say, Shirley? To give Behrenht and Tuccillo their due, they have the credentials
to write this stuff. They are both former executive story editors for Sex and
the City and we all know that television mimics real life. I mean, it's totally
like Thirty Something over here at the Robotos. You should come on by some time
and watch me whine about my Volvo and my successful husband Michael the Architect
and how hard it was for me to give up my career to become a Stay at Home Actress.
But back to the book.

The authors doles out helpful tips like, if a man says he's too busy to see
you, he's just not that into you. Also, if he comes over for a booty call at
2:00 AM but doesn't ever call you up in broad daylight and ask you out to a
play or dinner, well he's probably not that into you. If you spend hours analyzing
his behavior looking for signs of what he "really means" when he says
or does something, he's probably just not that into you. If you're afraid to
tell him how you really feel, come on now -say it with me, he's probably just
not that into you.

As I am sure you can all see, this is all pretty basic stuff and I personally
have spent hours telling this to various friends over the years (and getting
nowhere) which is why I should have written this book and been on Oprah and
sold billions of copies and then sailed away on my new 1000', solid gold yacht
to my own private island where they ban admission to the morons who buy and
read these types self-help books.

Oprah insisted that she loved this book and that she was gifting it to all
her friends but you know, when was the last time you saw Stedman? It's been
a while now, hasn't it? Remember back in the day when there was all that talk
of their wedding? Whatever happened to that? Let's face the facts. Two out of
three television hacks can't be wrong. Oprah, it's hard for me to say this but
Stedman's just not that into you. Don't take it too badly honey. You still have
all that loot and if you promise to stop pushing trash like this on your show,
I'll even let you visit my island.

7:23 p.m. - 2004-09-23

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