mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary

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Come On People, They're Called Private Parts For A Reason

Every year at work we "adopt-a-family" from one of the local charities. We fulfill their wish list and ship the items off to someone who doesn't have the good fortune of a decent job or a steady income. And despite the fact that I hate trekking out to shop amidst the holiday madness, I still feel pretty good about doing this one thing. Nonetheless masses of people still.

Last week I went out to find athletic wear for a certain member of our adopted family. As I was perusing the racks a man in his mid fifties came up to me shyly and said "excuse me ma'am, can you help me?"

"Um," I stammered, "I don't work here."

"No, no, I realize that. You don't look like a clerk."

"Oh, okay good," I said, still unsure where we were going with this conversation.

"I just need to know something," he said and glanced down at his feet. "Are you a size small?"

"Depends," I said. "Why?"

"Well my wife is shaped kind of like you and uh....uh....uh" and here he extends his arms and cups his hands just a few inches from my breasts while staring fixedly at them. "I know she's a small on the bottom but ah the top is...is...is"

"You're wondering if this sweatshirt will fit over her ample boobage?"

"Well yes." Shopping guy continues to gaze at my breasts till I finally cross my arms over them.

"I think a small will be quite adequate. It *is* a sweatshirt." I turn and leave before Creepy tries to cop a feel.

I also visited my gynecologist this week. Men stop reading now. So she's in there turning stuff up when she stopped and commented "you have a great cervix!" Say what? "It's an ideal little cervix," she elaborated. "Want to take a look?" Now, I've read Our Bodies, Ourselves and I've checked out that area in great detail before. I mean come on, we been working together for thirty years. If anyone knows my cervix, it's me. I said "no thanks" but my doctor seemed really disappointed. "You sure? Cervix's don't get much better than this." So I took a look and there it is. Same as it ever was. Now if only I can somehow obtain "ideal" abs, I'll be ever so perfect.

3:19 p.m. - 2003-12-16

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