mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heart On My Sleeve My grandmother is in the hospital for what doctors suspect is a stroke. Needless to say, I feel horrible. I am a million miles from her right now and there's nothing I can do to help. This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I talked to her for a few minutes this morning and she sounded scared, lonely, and sad. She talked about the rug in the palour room and what horrible shape it is in and how a doctor said she can not go back to her house and live alone and a bunch of other things that failed to make much sense when you grouped them all together. She talked about needing to get her hair done and about how she didn't want to be put in a home. I tried to say the right things where I could but I am not sure what is the right thing to say to someone in her position. I said, "I love you" and "please don't be frightened." I sobbed at my desk and thought about how I am not ready to loose her. My grandfather died when I was thirteen. We were unbelievably close. He taught me to ride a bike, he waited on line for five hours at a department store to get me a Cabbage Patch Kid, he walked me to and from school every day till I was in the sixth grade and then he got cancer and passed away. For awhile, I fell apart. I couldn't sleep or eat or focus. Perhaps a whole year passed before I could smile. I don't know. Two weeks ago, before all this stuff went down with my grandmother, I had a dream. I dreamed of my grandfather at Thanksgiving dinner. Pete and I were hosting the event and it was now, the present. And when I saw my grandfather on my front stoop arriving for dinner I went to him but I was so much different then I had been when we last saw each other, seventeen years ago. He didn't recognize me. I went to my father and asked him to come over to grandpa with me to help explain who I was and my dad did and then my grandfather said, "oh it has been so long" and we embraced and I could actually feel his touch on my skin and I didn't want to let go. Then I recalled that I wanted him to meet Pete. He died long before I ever even knew there would be a Pete. So off I went but before I got back, my grandfather was gone. But even as I woke up, I thought I felt that embrace and smelled my grandfather on my skin. 3:49 p.m. - 2003-08-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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