mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life In The Hood Last night I was perusing the mail that has built up on our kitchen counter. The recent state of affairs at the house (sanding the wood floors in the living room and master bedroom, digging up the garden, making repairs to the fence in the yard, etc.) has not been conducive to doing little things like sorting through all the crap I receive on a daily basis. After shredding a thousand offers for credit cards (each with a low monthly interest rate of 5000%) and reviewing the various letters from realtors offering to sell the house we just bought a year ago to a developer who can turn it into ten shabby townhouses, I happened upon a flyer from the Ballard Market. Recently, the Ballard Market and I have been at odds. I know that in the past I have professed my love for this grocery but an ongoing remodel (whereby everything I hold near and dear has been moved about) has caused great strife in our relationship. As we say at my office, change is bad. There was also an incident where all the cash register moneymatic payment machines went down. After waiting online for fifteen minutes, I was unable to pay for my groceries due to the malfunction. I told the cashier I felt they should give me everything for free to compensate my inconvenience and time. She disagreed. I made a scene and stormed angrily out, leaving Pete to stand there with a goofy grin on his face unsure of what to do next. When he finally met me back at the car I was still pouting and cursing. Frankly, Ballard Market was starting to make the Safeway look good. But this flyer I received confirms that the remodel is complete and that now is the time to make amends. As a matter of fact, this weekend the market is having a party. They'll be free cake, special discounts and samples of new products. Free, the magic word. So I'll be there 'cause I am a sucker for stuff I don't have to pay for. And, I'm easily swayed by sugary treats. On top of free stuff, Ballard Market will be offering live entertainment throughout the weekend. Saturday you can experience the stylings of "Seattle's favorite clown," JP Patches. Now despite living here for the last five years, I had no idea Seattle had a favorite clown. I, myself, have a deep rooted fear of clowns and after checking out JP's home page it doesn't look like I'll be getting over it anytime soon. I blame it on watching Poltergeist too many times as a child. I really do feel there's a psycho killer hiding under all that make-up, don't you? The only clown I have any love for is Shakes. Later in the day, the general public will be treated to the comedic genius that is John Keister. You've never heard of John Keister, you say? Well once upon a time, in a Seattle that seems very far away now (back before everyone drove an SUV), there was a show called Almost Live in which John Keister starred. Almost Live fulfilled the FCC requirements for local programming on King 5. It was a half hour of comedy skits focussing on local Seattle phenomenons. For example, there was a recurring skit called Ballard Driving School which mocked the ancient drivers in the area. Now remember, I said this segment was recurring. It might be humorous to make fun of the elderly once but to repeatedly berate the aged week after week..... well that's just lame. Luckily the show was on at 10:30 PM, so all of the gray hairs would be long asleep, their dentures soaking in a cup of Steradent next to their beds. Almost Live was canceled many moons ago, Keister was given another local show which failed miserably, and since then he has been appearing at such great events as the Grand Opening of Walmart, the Grand Opening of Safeway, The Grand Opening of Fred Meyers, and now The Grand Re-Opening of Ballard Market. Watch for him soon at a Grand Opening near you. Talk about saving the best for last though. Sunday will be filled with yet more laughs as Stan Boreson, the King of Scandinavian Humor, rounds out the event. Now you tell me you never heard of Stan Boreson???!!! Me either but apparently "along with his accordion and 'Songs his Uncle Torvald taught him', Stan has tickled the funny bone of audiences of all ages wherever he appears. On a dare, he began doing Scandinavian dialect songs by transforming popular American songs into humorous Norwegian and Swedish renditions. Over the years, his songs proved so successful that he has made numerous recordings and currently has fourteen cassettes on the market. His latest album is entitled, 'Ay Don't Give A Hoot' and contains some of his most requested songs. Included in this album are such gems as, 'Blue Goose Snoose'. 'Swanson , Swenson, and Jensen', 'Copenhagen Farvall' and the 'Norwegian's Lament'. However, audiences remember him most for his Christmas songs which are now featured on two cassettes and CD's, 'Stan Boreson Fractures Christmas' and 'Yust Go Nuts At Christmas'." I'm thinking that this guy does for the Scandinavians what Allen Sherman does for Jews (only my mom and some long time readers will get this reference) except that Sherman was doing this stuff back in the 1950's and 60's when it was actually funny and the Catskills were still a vacation spot. I assume there will be lots of lutefisk jokes and many sentences punctuated by "Uff-da!" Ah yes, it will be a day filled with laughter, I can just tell. Just a quick side note, the neighbor I mentioned as being with child the other day is not Judy. I repeat - Judy is not pregnant. Apparently, she began receiving calls of congratulations shortly after my last posting. So to clarify, my neighbor Marty is having a baby. They're okay neighbors but not nearly as cool as Judy and Jiri. Should Judy get knocked up, you'll be the first to know. 9:55 a.m. - 2003-04-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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