mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary
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All The Things She Said or The Longest and Stupidest Entry Ever
I am writing this entry despite the fact that the last time I talked negatively about a pop icon I was certainly schooled and scolded (Brian - long time, no hear - what's going on buddy?). You see, despite my very busy schedule as of late I have been making a concerted effort to keep my fingers on the pulse of America. That's right, I'm adhering to my rigorous schedule of at least an hours worth of MTV per day! Sometimes I have to rise before the sun just to get this "training" in but I'm an athlete and as such I'm use to having to push myself to the limits. In the end, I always find it worth the effort.
So last Tuesday at 5:30 AM, I climbed out of bed and I turned on Channel 63 and discovered the joy that is T.A.T.U. What?!! You've never heard of T.A.T.U.??!! Well, they are only the latest in softcore lesbian pop and they're coming straight at you from Russia!!! That's right, two preadolescent girls in bikini briefs and training bras who suck face in between half understandable choruses and throbbing, Euro-trash synthesization (is that a word?). These sapphic lifestyle embracing youths were smart enough to really think outside of the box when deciding on wardrobe for their first video. You know what they choose to wear? No Brittany, you'll never guess. It's so original ...... Catholic school girl uniforms!!! What Brittany? Oh stop being such a sore loser. You didn't invent that uniform, okay? The Catholics did, so there. Anyway, these gals dance around in short plaid kilts and oxfords - in the rain no less - what troopers. I guess they aren't really dancing so much as running but I'm not sure what they are running from. Maybe society and small-mindedness. Or possibly prejudice and injustice. Or maybe Godzilla. Whatever they are trying to escape from can't be too scary though as they seem to have plenty of time to stop and grope one another in a way that only a teenage boy might find sexy.
There, I said it. I believe this duo of Eastern European talent (chuckle chuckle) were created simply to play into the stupid male fantasy of watching two hot chicks go at it. Sadly, I think that with the MTV audience being made up of mostly juvenile males and young girls who are trying desperately to fit in, this ridiculous fabrication of lesbian life will sell and sell well. Here's the thing all you straight guys who want to shag a couple of lesbians (it's never going to happen) and all you young impressionable gals who really want to turn the boys on (boys are very easily turned on by the way - no need to take things this far); I have many gay friends both male and female. Being gay is not easy nor is it glamorous (unless you're Bobby Trendy). Try coming out to your family or employer. Try going to a small town and living your life as a gay person. Try raising a family in a society that still believes children need to have a father and a mother in order to "turn out right." Try to add your significant other to your health insurance policy or to add them to a government form in the space intended for your spouse. Try to get married in a state other than Vermont or Hawaii. What I'm saying here is that being gay is NOT a trend or a marketing ploy. It's not a choice you make to appear hipper or cooler and it most certainly shouldn't be used as a gimmick to sell records.
That all said, I think I need to debunk the theory that T.A.T.U. is actually a lesbian couple. Julie Volkova and Lena Katina admit to having "a carefully crafted image" as designed by producer and manager, Ivan Shapovalov, a former psychologist and advertising executive. Now who would be better suited to create a band geared at catching the attention of the 11-16 male/female demographic? Who else could mastermind such a devious plan? The Shapovalov team often leaks details of the girls interaction as well such as how the girls insist on a double bed in their hotel rooms but none of the group's representatives will affirm that Volkova and Katina are actual lovers. As a matter of fact when questioned, Katina says "everybody thinks we are lesbians but we just love each other." "Maybe and maybe not," said Volkova when asked whether she and Katina were 'together' at a news conference. "You know, we're not going to give a straight answer." Okay, this is pretty annoying and vague. I decided to look for an interview with T.A.T.U. so I could learn more about their lifestyle. Here's what I found:
Question: When was the last time you had an hour to sleep?
Lena: (Talking to Julia in Russian) then says in English: "Do you
mean sleep, or fucking?"
Question: I meant sleep, but I can ask both?
Lena: (laughs) (Julia tells her what to say in Russian), Lena says in
English: "When was the last time you fuck?"
Question: When you started the band what was the musical idea?
Lena: To establish our lives in our songs, in our videos. For example
Julia likes to masturbate and in our last video is just like Julia masturbate
in the bathroom.
Lena: *Lena laughing*: We are homosexuals.
Question: Why is sex so important in music?
Lena: *looking very confused* In music, uhh were not having sex in music.
Sometimes maybe on the studio when were just tired of making music we have sex,
for example in the bathroom. It's emotions. (Julia through out telling her things
in Russian)
Julia: *Singing and doing a humping thing* while Lena laughs
Question: I'm sure that you know a lot of people say your not really
lesbians, its just an image, how do you reply to that?
Lena: Everybody has their own opinion.
Question: Why do you wanna talk about sex so bad? I didn't bring
it up.
Julia: We like sex.
Lena: But we can't do it because... *moving hand up and down* we have
nooooo
Julia: Time
Lena: *laughing* yes no time and no this.. this.. what every boy has
..
Female Manager: I'm their travel manager.
Question: How do you manage two lesbians who are this crazy?
Fem Manager: It's just being all together like all the time.
Lena: Every night and every day we are all together, we making love be
three people *Laughing*
Fem Manager: This is how we get along, we understand each other.
Question: What is your new CD like?
Lena: Love new CD, you mean our album were working on and we don't want
to talk about it because nobody will be interested in this if we just say everything,
sooo (Julia gets up and whispers something in the interview's ear)
Lena and Julia: Both sing a section of a Russian song while laughing.
Question: Where will T.A.T.U. be in 20 years, musically?
Lena: Maybe we'll die tomorrow, nobody knows. Maybe we'll just fuck each
other, just like die.
Lena:You be careful this night. You just have like real sex, just wild sex.
Oddly enough this is the end of the interview.
Okay, so is it just me or does this seem like the equivalent of a bunch of sweaty, high school football players standing around in the locker room talking about who they scored with last night? The truth of the matter is that the quarterback spent the night with rosy palm and her five sisters but who's going to admit to that? Actually, the football player is probably more likely to be homosexual then T.A.T.U. Ahh, bravado is a scary thing especially in the hands of an up and coming pop star. I get the feeling Lena and Julia spend their nights watching reruns of Baywatch in their hotel room and discussing how handsome David Hasslehoff is (he's huge in Germany so why not Russia?) rather than having wild, lesbian sex. How about you?
And finally, to add insult to injury, my friend Judy has just revealed to me that T.A.T.U. will be doing a remake of the Smith's "How Soon Is Now." Does anyone know who owns the rights to the old Smith songs? Is it Morrissey or Johnny Marr? Someone please fill me in because whoever granted permission for this cover should be shot.
I'd like to end this entry with a quote from Lena Katina, "People love us or hate us," said the soulful redhead in the group. "But nobody thinks nothing about us." I should have heeded your words and thought nothing about you. Instead, I've wasted two hours researching and writing. I'll never get that time back.
Hey Natalie, for the life of me I can't access your diary. Email me with the secret code please!
8:36 p.m. - 2003-02-19
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