mrs-roboto's Diaryland Diary

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Job Security

The gods seem to be conspiring against me. Pete and I had planned a lovely camping trip to the Olympic Peninsula with some friends this weekend but the weather refuses to cooperate. I desperately wanted to get away (the renovations on our house are sucking the life blood out of me) but the idea of sitting inside a tent staring at my own toes for the next three days lacks a certain appeal so the best I can hope for is a Real World marathon and making smores with over a scented candle in my living room.

Speaking of powerful and controlling forces, I have three plants in my office. These plants were inherited from the former occupant. I do not have a green thumb and have learned to not to bother buying anything that requires upkeep and can't verbally alert me to those needs. I have murdered any number of ferns, allowed rose bushes to get overrun with aphids, and once let an iguana starve to death (it didn't make any noise to let me know it was hungry so I forgot about it entirely until it started to smell). But of course, these plants came with the job and here in my office I am under the watchful eyes of my coworkers who would probably frown upon my throwing live things away for no real reason other than I am too lazy to water them.

So I've made a game out of taking care of these plants. The rules are as follows:

1. Let plant sit unwatered for as long as possible. Leaves should be turning brown and falling off. Plant should look parched and droopy and one step away from death.
2. Act indignant when coworkers mention your plants are "not looking good.". Claim to be watering them regularly. Look puzzled.
3. Arrive at office before coworkers and start dousing plants with large amounts of water for a week or two.
4. When plants revive to a state of glowing greenness place them in a more prominent part of your office for display and show them off to coworkers for a week or two reinforcing your ability to bring things back from the brink of death. This is sure to make you indispensable to the organization and ensure longtime employment.
5. After two weeks shift plants to a less visible area so they can once again wilt.
6. Repeat steps 1-5

So far I have only lost a single plant in my two years here. It was a ficus and I simply told the other employees that he ran off to become president. Anyway, I think my job is secure.

9:45 a.m. - 2002-06-28

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